Snowball Wang

Occupation: Ex pro/first lady
Age: She will never tell
Sex: Female
Sign: Virgo

Turnons:
Champagne baths, minks, bonbons, large vulgar diamonds, rolling naked in money, one handed novels, gold shoes, satin sheets, fad diets, wigs, pearl necklaces, opera gloves, soap operas, exhibitionism, conspicuous consumption, ratted/teased hair, bitching, musicals, six layer boxes of chocolates, holidays, casinos, suntans, glowmesh handbags, bukake, chiffon, angora cats, krug, changing implants, other people's husbands.

Turnoffs:
long walks, wincyette,

Random fact:
Snowball started her snowbiz career in Swagger magazine.

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Generalissimo Beh Wang

Sex: Male
Age: 49
Sign: Cancer
Occupation: Petty Dictator

Turn ons:
Teenage girls, gold braid, mirrors, the sound of his own voice, rough trade movies, street fighting, peruvian nose candy, peep shows, helicopters, whores, parades, pretending to be a communist, henchmen, black marble, uzis, hostile take overs, large scale portraits, self promotion, gold bars, terrible poetry, big game hunting.

Turn offs:
Nagging fear of being disliked, STDS, health food.

Random fact:
Started off as a mere drug lord! Met his third wife Snowball at a strip joint.

Pepsi von Hellswine

Age: 36
Sex: Male
Sign: Leo
Occupation: Lieutenant general

Turn ons:
Chocolate bunnies, metampthetamines, oversized breasts, misogynism , cream laden cakes, slamming it home, Serpentine reeds, pornographic paperbacks, random acts of sadism, pony club, surprises, heroin, pastry, sodomy, power dressing, starched shirts, milk, Hummelware, naturalism, hissy fits, occultism, Talking too loudly, nubile young peasant girls, himself, lap-dogs, slapping, punishment, beserking, Cordon bleu cookery, A-ha, Otto Dix, boot clicking, chain smoking.....

Turn offs:
N/A

Random fact:
Pepsi was raised by nuns.

Muffin

Age: 35
Sex: Female
Sign: Scorpio
Occupation: Colonel

Turn ons:
Order, white kid gloves, parlour maids, cleaning, sticking to the rules, discipline, wrestling, cold showers, water sports, swimming, long walks, rubber girdles, running, foundation garments, boxing, comic books about amazons, charts, WIP movies.

Turn offs:
wine, men and song, dancing.

Random fact: Her favorite food is trifle. She once tried to castrate Pepsi with gas axe after he peeked up her skirt.

Dr. Max Keigels

Age: 32
Sign: Scorpio
Occupation:Some sort of Doctor

Turn ons:
Stainless steel, squeaky braces, random and painful acts of sadism, the cat fancy, cable knit sweaters, twincest, plastination, implants, moogs, opera, body mods, cock fighting, bike riding, pop psychology, pop anthropology, offal, fencing, t-girls.

Turn offs:
Anything remotely normal.

Random fact:
Max rescued Pepsi the time he was kidnapped and about to be sold into slavery in a Turkish Harem. He also has a twin sister, Pepsi's wife Uschi.

Uschi von Hellswine ( nee Keigels)

Age: 32
Sex: Female
Sign: Scorpio
Occupation: Housewife

Turn ons:
unnecessary hats, gin, sleeping all day, reading , lunch, wine, whiskey, movies, cocktails, down time, naps, lounging, valium, qualudes, lazing, loafing, napping, holidays, dozing, catnapping, resting, sipping, reposing, reclining, relaxation, unwinding, sitting, watching, vodka, downers.

Turn offs:
loud noises, having to pay attention, real work

Random fact:
Uschi’s father owns a munitions factory and she is allergic to wheat. she has a twin, Max

Paris von Hellswine

Sex: Male
Age: 4 and a bit
Sign: Virgo
Occupation: N/A

Turn ons:
New shoes, dancing, the dress up box, tea parties, sweets , infuriating his father, singing in a high squeaky voice, linen, unicorns, bubble baths, fairy tales.

Turn offs:
Sports, maths, running, camping.

Random fact:
Will not wear synthetics.